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magical squelleton

July 2015

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inglorious basterds

In the name of the moon...fuck off : chapter II

title: In the name of the moon...fuck off

summary: The retelling of the Sailor Moon story but with the tgwtg folk

disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fic,they are the online persona of other people and you can find their work at http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/
Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi

warning: crack!fic,a bit of slash,guys in skirts,OOCness and did I mention a lot of crack ?
and this fanfic was inspired by the manga and not the anime, this will explain why certain plot poits that appeared in the anime will not be mentioned

A/N: I would like to thank robynred for making this fic public and nombrehetomado for beta-ing the fic. And do excuse any grammatical/spelling mistakes and weird sentences constructions as english is not my first language.

Chapter I --->http://fuzzywezzy.livejournal.com/8866.html#cutid1

Somewhere on the globe, people were gathered in a castle's vast throne room. The person seated on the throne looked at the three other men. A bearded man stood in front of the throne.

 “Have you,” the throned man started, "found the Silver Crystal yet?”

There were two other men far in the back of the room: a chubby one and one with a hat . They were wearing grey military uniform, except for the one in the throne who was wearing a purple robe.

 “No,” said the bearded man, kneeling.

 “LordKat,” the throned man said. “You’ve failed me again. I hope you are prepared for your punishment.”

 “Yes. I’m truly sorry."

 “Queen Beryl,” the man with the hat  said. “There is word that one of the senshi has awoken.”

 “Which one ?”

 “Sailor Moon.”

  “…Has she had contact with the other senshis?”
 “No, not yet, my queen.”

 “Good. Now, how about we make a visit to our dear Sailor Moon?”


Critic opened the door to his house, letting Mike in first.
He had let him come with him - obligated, really, given Mike had said that more enemies would come. He needed to quickly master his powers, find the other senshi, destroy the source of the evil...and apparently there was princess involved.
But he hadn't paid that much attention to all Mike had told him, still recovering from the recent events. Fire apes on fire, him being in a skirt, and that arrogant douche in the top hat. He still didn’t understand why he was "the chosen one": Sailor Moon or whoever.
He walked towards the kitchen, and promptly became slightly freaked out when he saw Rob holding Mike with a questioning look.
 “He followed me home!” The excuse sounded lame even as he was finished saying it.

 “It’s alright. Doesn’t hurt to have an addition to the house, and he can join Michaud.”

Why does that sound fake? thought Critic. It was weird of his brother to accept changes like that, but maybe he was in a good mood for once. He guessed it was possible he was too suspicious, if unlikely.
Critic pulled a chair so he was facing Rob, who went to put Mike next to where Michaud was lying.

 “Did you heard about the accident this morning ?” asked Rob, returning to his seat.

 “Which accident ?”

 “The one that happened in one of the commercial streets, *the supposed terrorist attack*”

 “I didn’t know about it.”

 “Critic, you took a walk around then."

Shit, thought Critic. “Just around the neighborhood.”

 “Really. You sure?”

 “Yes, I’m 100% sure I did not walk into the middle of a terrorist attack, mom.”

 “Supposedly your safety is one of my top priorities. If you had gotten injured-”

 “Well, I wasn’t injured or even there.”

Before Rob could respond, his cell phone rang. He picked it up with an annoyed noise.

“Hello? …oh, it’s you.” Rob’s tone changed and he got up, walking towards the door. “Yeah, I’m fine. You?”

Rob left the room, probably going to his own. He let out a sigh. He felt mildly bad for lying to him, but he couldn’t tell that he had been there. Rob wouldn’t believe him. He still couldn’t believe it. It was for the best.                                                                                                                                          


Critic worked busily with the script for his next review. He had the house to himself: Rob was out, Michaud was roaming the neighborhood, only Mike was in, sleeping quietly on the bed.
He managed to write a few more jokes before he heard the door opening, followed by a series of loud noises. Instinctively, he grabbed the compact and went in the hallway...and came face-to-face with a bearded man, with two fire apes behind him. He tilted his head as his mind processed that –despite being on fire -- they weren't setting the hallway on fire.

 “Sailor Moon, long time no see. I would ask you to follow me.”

 “Why? I mean...I'm not...how do you know?”

 “My name is Lordkat. And I'm going to kill you in front of my boss." His lip curled into a smile. "He'll be happy then.”

 “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. MOON PRISM POWER, MAKE-UP!" he yelled.

Lordkat was blinded for a few seconds, and, when he could see again, Critic had transformed into Sailor Moon.

 “Fire apes on fire, attack!”

The fire apes on fire rushed towards Critic, but moon cap action quickly dispatched of them.


The flying object hurled into Lordkat, but it left only a slight wound on his chest.

 “Sorry, but you'll have to do better than that to defeat me.”

Lordkat took several small, bright red objects out of his pocket: strawberries.

 “Dude,” said Critic, stopping in his tracks. “Is it really time for eating?”

 “Those aren’t for eating. They're for killing you.”

Lordkat took a lighter out of his other pocket and lit the stems. He threw them at Critic, who was so busy staring in disbelief that he didn’t avoid the straw-bombs in time, getting caught in the explosion.
Critic escaped in the smoke, bruised and in pain, and went to his room, searching frantically for something in the drawers.

 “Critic,” said Mike. “What happened?”

 “Some guy downstairs is trying to kill me!"

 “Then what are you doing here! Fight him!”

“He’s too strong …aha, found it!”

 “Found what ?”

 “I need back-up for this. I’m activating the Nostalgia Critic Signal."


Oh man, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. LordKat and the strawberries....*dies* I can't wait to see who you cast as the remainder of the senshi. *eagerly awaiting the next chapter*
I wsa giggling all the way through it but the nostagia critic signal sent me over the edge XD