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magical squelleton

July 2015

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inglorious basterds

In the name of the moon...fuck off : Chapter III

title:In the name of the moon...fuck off

summary:The retelling of the Sailor Moon story but with the guys from tgwtg

disclaimer:I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fic,they are the online persona of other people and you can find their work at http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/
Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi

warning:crack!fic,a bit of slash,guys in skirts,OOCness and did I mention a lot of crack ?
and this fanfic was inspired by the manga and not the anime, this will explain why certain plot poits that appeared in the anime will not be mentioned

A/N:I apologize to Lord Kat because I think I seriously messed his character up (sorry !) and I would like to thank again robynred for making this fic come alive and nombrehetomado for beta-ing the fic. And do excuse any grammatical/spelling mistakes and weird sentences constructions as english is not my first language.

chapter I chapter II

Critic pushed the button of the remote, sending the signal to every contributor of the site - anyone who could answer and maybe defeat a straw-bomb-wielding man and two fire apes on fire. But before the signal could go off, LordKat punched him, sending the remote flying.

“Why did you run away, that’s not fun,” he said.

He pinned the Critic to the floor, eying him like prey, leaning until his face was overly close.

“I have to punish you for that. Or, in other words, rape you.”

One of his hands rested on Critic's thigh, as the smaller man looked at him in horror, inspiring a smile to crawl across his face. His hand slid up underneath the skirt, but before he could go any further, the door crashed in, allowing the invaders to climb the steps.

“Critic, we saw the signal, what….WHAT THE FUCK?” screamed Spoony. Beside him,
Linkara squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away.


“DON’T JUST STAND THERE; HELP ME!” Critic shrieked as he tried to crawl away.

Linkara steeled himself and walked over, man-punching as hard as he could. It wasn't very effective. Those few seconds of distraction still permitted his victim to escape, as LordKat grabbed Linkara and threw him against the wall, knocking the cupboard loose in the process.

“Linkara!” the two men yelled in panic.

Spoony ran towards the other man to help him up, only to get stopped by LordKat's fist.

Meanwhile, Mike had noticed something weird. The two men's foreheads were glowing with the symbols of Mars and Mercury. Briefly he scrambled before pulling out two pens.

“Critic, catch!” Mike threw the pens at him.

“What the fuck am I going to do with these?”

“Give it to them; they have the same powers as your compact.”

Critic threw the pens at Spoony and Linkara, who caught them clumsily and were immediately engulfed in an intense light.

The room filled with foggy steam, so thick no one could see further than their nose.

“Spoony! Linkara!” called Critic. “Mike! Where are you?”

LordKat swatted at the fog, clearing it long enough to see a Sailor Moon silhouette. He prepared one of his straw-bombs and snuck behind the figure.

“I AM A MAN!” Linkara emerged from the fog, punching the man and sending him flying into the wall. Awed, the nerd looked at his hand.

“You ruined my wall,” the Critic finally said, breaking the silence.

“We don’t give a shit about your wall,” Spoony snapped.

In the lull of action, Critic finally noticed what their outfits had turned into. He would've laughed at them, except they were wearing exactly what he was: a skirt, arm-length gloves, boots, a tiara, and a ribbon. The only difference was the colors: Linkara was in light blue; Spoony was in red. All three men coughed awkwardly and crossed their arms across their chests.

“Look out, he’s coming back!”

LordKat rushed them, hurling fistfuls of straw-bombs at them. On instinct, Spoony put his hands protectively in front of him, but fireballs suddenly appeared and collided with the straw-bombs, exploding and sending both men backwards. Bruised, they still managed to get up, only for Linkara to dart in and try his man-punch again, uppercutting the enemy. Gritting his teeth, Spoony concentrated and created a giant fireball, hurling it in LordKat's direction and setting him on fire. As he screamed in agony, Critic used moon cap action, slicing the man.

With one final scream, LordKat turned into ash.

Spoony, Critic, and Linkara looked at the small pile that was his remains, trying to cope with the fireballs, the attempted rape, the ashes, and their newfound superpowered transvestitism.

“Congratulations!” said Mike. “You’ve beaten one of evil’s minions.”

“Critic? Why is the cat talking ?"

After something close to an explanation (and the disbelief), they found themselves cleaning the mess they had made in Critic’s bedroom because “If Rob finds this, we’ll be in worst shit than with that LordKat guy," in Critic's words.

Linkara bombarded Mike with questions: why, who, how, and, most importantly why?

“You are all senshis of justice: you were chosen to protect the galaxy against any sort of evil,” said Mike.

“But you said that the guy we fought was a minion of ‘evil’, who is ‘evil’? What is its goal? What are we supposed to do now?"

“We will protect the princess and the holy stone, the Silver Crystal.”

“Silver Crystal?” Linkara asked, tilting his head.

“Critic! Why is the door broken?” a new voice rang up from the first floor.

“I can explain, I swear!” said Critic, hurtling down the stairs.

After exchanging a resigned look, Linkara and Spoony followed.

“You broke the door and what did you do to your room? Should I even bother pretending I trust you?"

“There was a guy, and he broke into the house! And bombed it!” Critic protested.

“Bombed the place. That’s the lamest excuse I ever heard.”

“It’s true,” said Spoony. “There really was a guy that broke into the house.”

“Uh, hi, Spoony, Linkara. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Critic just called us because he was being molested by a fat guy with bombs and there were some fire ap-" Critic cut him off, slapping his hand over his mouth.

“....okay. Fire what?” asked Rob.

“Nothing,” replied Critic. "Fire nothing."

Rob sighed and shook his head, walking past the group after ruffling Critic's head.

“I’ll call the repair man tomorrow.”

As soon as he walked out, Spoony yanked his hand away and wiped his mouth in frustration.

“What was that for?”

“Rob can't know about the fire apes, he can't know about anything with the senshis. It's better for him."

“If you say so."


The bearded man looked at the crystal ball, showing the figures of Spoony, Linkara, and Critic. He looked around at his subordinates, smiling broadly, enjoying the fear they experienced at his expression.

“The Sailor Senshis killed one of Shintennou.”

“They killed LordKat!” exclaimed the man with a hat.

“Queen Beryl,” said the chubby one “For you I shall bring the Silver Crystal without fail.”

“Could those Sailor Senshis be also after the Silver Crystal?” said the man with a hat. “Queen Beryl, I ask this: what exactly is the Silver Crystal?”

“The Silver Crystal is the source of all energy. This stone’s power is immeasurable and contains infinite power, or that’s what I’ve come to know. There is no mercy for those who get in the way of the Dark Kingdom. You, Sean Fausz: from now on you shall search for the Silver Crystal."

The man nodded in acceptance.

"Do not disappoint me like that stupid fool."


*Is rolling on the floor laughing* I'm sorry! I can't take this image of Spoony dressed like Sailor Mars and glaring at the Critic in my head with Linkara behind looking horrified, I just can't!

That was so funny...*ROFL*
Oh my gods this is so cracky and wonderful. I can't stop laughing right now. I still find the idea of tgwtg guys in senshi outfits is hilarious. Can totally see Spoony as Mars, though...

Wonderful job, and I can't wait for the next one.
yey the next chapter! Brb going to be loling forever at the mental images now