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magical squelleton

July 2015

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inglorious basterds

In the name of the moon...fuck off : Chapter IV

title:In the name of the moon...fuck off

summary:The retelling of the Sailor Moon story but with the guys from tgwtg

disclaimer:I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fic,they are the online persona of other people and you can find their work at http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/
Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi

warning:crack!fic,a bit of slash,guys in skirts,OOCness and did I mention a lot of crack ?
and this fanfic was inspired by the manga and not the anime, this will explain why certain plot poits that appeared in the anime will not be mentioned. And do excuse any grammatical/spelling mistakes and weird sentences constructions as english is not my first language.

A/N:I would like to thank again robynred for making this fic come alive and nombrehetomado for beta-ing the fic

chapter I chapter II Chapter III

Due to the abnormal numbers of “accidents” in and around the Chicago area, Spoony and Linkara decided to stay at Critic’s house for the next following days to help him fight the incoming waves of enemies. A three-way collaboration review, they had told Rob, who accepted the excuse without much question. At the moment, they were all hanging out in Critic's basement, mindlessly watching TV.

Tonight,one of the world's largest jewels will be displayed publicly for the first time at the exposition at the Field Museum of Natural History.

“We need to check it out,” said Mike, breaking the lazy silence that had settled over the room. “I have a feeling that the enemy will be after that jewel.”

"Any reason beside 'fucking huge jewel' ?" said Critic.

"It might be the Silver Crystal"

"I think it's time for you to spill the beans on the whole situation" said Spoony.

"But I've already told you what your goal was" he responded, puzzled.

"Yeah, we know you want us to search for the princess, but that's kind of vague,unless you want us to kidnap random royalty until we get it right. For the matter,we don't know where you came from. So this couch is the only thing we'll be 'checking out' until you fill us in on who,exactly,you are, and who you're working with".

"I'm not allowed to tell you yet".

"But we need more information. We can't just blindly follow you whatever place you want us to go" said Linkara, trying to reason with him.

"I don't fully understand the enemy’s goal yet myself. All I know is that they’re targeting Chicago, but I honestly don't have any idea of the location of the princess because of her seal"

"A seal ? Why ?" said Spoony.

"I don't know what it is, exactly,but I have a theory: maybe, the Silver Crystal might be placed in her in case someone - or something - wants to about its power." said Mike."But what I do know is that for the seal to break,we need to assemble all the senshis so that we can find her...and that you all can awake and regain your memories".

Three looks of confusion peered at him.

"What do you mean by that ?" said Linkara.

"Yeah, I've got memories fine here. Insane and traumatizing ones,but definitely memories".

"You've forgotten everything; you don't remember a single thing" he said

"Everything ? What do you mean everything ?" Linkara sounded frustrated."We all remember something so whatever we've forgotten - if we've forgotten anything - it can't be everything".

"That's all I'm allowed to tell you".

They all looked annoyed and confused: the cat was clearly hiding something important,but maybe a visit to the museum would help them get some answers he was refusing to share.


It was night when they arrived. Crowds of people were walking around the musem;even more at the jewel exhibit. The trio passed through security(marveling at Mike's promise that they wouldn't findhim) and went into the building without incident, making their way to the expo's room. There,in the center of the room, the jewel was being displayed in a small glass case. The case was cordoned off by ropes,with a security guard stationed on either side.

"How do you think the enemy will get in ?" said Critic to his backpack. The zipper opened a bit and a voice came out of it.

"I don't know" said Mike."But be on your guard, the enemy can be anybody and can be anywhere".

As soon as Mike said those words, the sound of glass breaking pierced the room.One of the guards was mid-scoop of the jewel, bowling over the other guards as he tried(and failed)to stop the guard. Critic took Mike out of the bag and made a frantic run towards the guard,leaping into his back. It worked for a few seconds, before he was thrown off - and out the window.

"CRITIC !" yelled Spoony and Linkara in unison,as they saw him dissappear from view. His whole life was falling before his eyes - but it was interrupted by someone catching his hand. He looked up and saw Tuxedo Kamen.
The man pulled him up quickly, putting him on the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing here ?"

"Didn't your mother ever teach to thank people ? Say 'thank you' or I'll gladly throw your ass back down that window".

"thank you" he mumbled

"Hmm ?"

"I said THANK YOU".

Tuxedo Kamen mockingly smiled at him before running away.

"MOON PRISM POWER MAKE-UP !" yelled Critic.

Once transformed, he ran towards the thieving guard who was standing curiously still,holding his arm over his head, emitting a dark aura. As it came out, it joined the murky ball of darkness that was lurking over his head. Critic was Spoony and Linkara, already transformed, doing nothing. He sighted and prepared to do his attack, since no one else apparently found it necessary.

"Critic, don't ! It's..."said Linkara,but to late: Critic used his moon cap action, but it went right through the hole and never came back.

"SHIT ! What do I do now ?"

"That's what I was trying to tell you ! Our attacks won't work on it".

The pair glared at him, who coughed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
A huge shadow streched out of the darkness. Spoony shot some fireballs at it,but it had the same effect as the ball of darkness.

"I'll take this" said the shadow,taking the jewel away from the guard.

Critic began to feel hot,probably from the stress,but it felt more like a bath full of boiled water.His forehead was illuminated and suddenly his cap reappeared, along with a new tiara.It was similar to his old one, but there was a small mirror-like jewel in the middle.

"Sailor Moon !". The trio turned around to see Tuxedo Kamen."Get rid of the shadow and the darkness with a strong light".

"What the fuck does that mean !?".

"Reflect the moonlight with your fucking tiara,you dumb bitch !".

"Critic" said Mike."Say the words that comes to mind".


An intense light came out of the jewel, destroying the shadow and the ball of darkness, leaving just the stolen jewel on the floor, along with a few unconscious people who had apparently had the bad luck to be standing near the hole.A Few moment later, the exposition was somewhat calm, the guard having been taken away by the police for questioning. The trio left the museum and walked towards Critic's home. Mike broke off from the group, heading for a bunch of trees.

"Where are you going ?" said Spoony.

"To take a piss,although your leg'll do fine if you want me to stay around".

Spoony raised his hands as if to give up, letting the jump onto a branch of the tree. Soon enough,a man appeared, leaning against the base.

"Tuxedo Kamen !" he said to the man."Who the hell are you ? And why are you always showing up at the same place as us ?"

"I'm also searching for the Silver Crystal".

"So then...are you an enemy or an ally ?".

"I wonder the same...but tonight I'm going with enemy".


Though I haven't read the manga, I really liked this. It wasn't quite as cracky as the first 3, but still fun ... and I'll admit "Reflect the moonlight with your fucking tiara,you dumb bitch!" ... made me laugh so loud that my roommate had to investigate. I told her I was just reading about men in skirts, nothing big ;)

I'm glad that you laughed and enonjed the series until now :) And your roomate sounds cool for accepting your excuse :p

"Get rid of the shadow and the darkness with a strong light".

"What the fuck does that mean !?".

"Reflect the moonlight with your fucking tiara,you dumb bitch !".

I'm sorry but that got me lmao. ^^ Nice to see a new part up